How is healing even possible?
I remember the early days after being found alive when adrenaline was my friend. I was unable to sleep and it felt like I was on a high that would never end. I’M ALIVE…really alive. I lived through something unbelievable. How could I not be excited and not ready to live my life as if I only had today? I never realized the amount the healing that would be necessary. I never realized the work that God would do in me behind the scenes to prepare me again and again for what was still yet to come. Looking back, I realize how unaware I was of the journey that was set before me. It was as if I woke up one day and it was all finished. How could it be possible to just wake up one day and realize that healing had happened when not even looking? Did it just happen on auto-pilot? Kind of. Routines set us up for auto-pilot. You see before I was kidnapped and tortured, I was already taking action and having faith while going through the motions of being ok. Long before I realized I was in any danger, I was living in abuse without knowing it. It was the routines I had set in place that put me on auto-pilot heading towards true healing. The simple act of beginning my day in prayer and ending it with praise would light a fire so big within me it would burn through my darkest days. Little did I know that this would set the stage to real genuine healing that was still yet to come.
How did the Healing Happen?
- I took ACTION
- I had FAITH
- I went through the MOTIONS
Let’s back up a bit. When you live in abuse, you learn to be happy and content in the things that others would find miserable. I would wake up each day not dreading the abuse I endured but the things within the day that made it all bearable. I began writing daily devotionals each day to help me find God in my everyday life. It brought me purpose and joy. Before my kidnapping ever occurred, God had already set the groundwork for me to begin healing by having me prepare in advance. Have faith. I know easier said than done but I’m sure that the tools needed to heal you are there deep within. I wasn’t sure of myself but when I questioned or didn’t feel like taking action, I continued to go through the motions anyway. I trusted God would just give me the words when I had none. It took action on my part. It took doing something that I might otherwise not want to do and just stepping out, doing it anyway. Blindly going forward when I was suffering. Putting on a smile when I was screaming on the inside. I started each day with this kind of faith. Then ended each day with a question…what was the best part of your day? No matter how crappy the day might be there must be some part of it that was better than the other stuff that happened. This simple action of reflecting back on your day in a positive way provides happiness and joy. Many self help books share this secret of happiness or success which starts with being thankful and recognizing all you are grateful for. True story…it works. I was in the habit of starting my day in prayer and ending it with praise to get me through some horrific abuse. It numbed what was happening to me. It allowed me to focus on the good. It granted me an internal joy that I cannot describe.
